Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
