i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
