For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
