Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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