My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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