If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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