shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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