i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
