Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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