I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
