the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The air taste purple.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
