You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
