could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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