You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
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Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
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"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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