all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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