That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
