Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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