you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Thank you for not boning my boss.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
