I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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