I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
