Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
