My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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