Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
