Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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