U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I need a beard to bite.
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