So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
