Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
