I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize