Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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