a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
