We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
