I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
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it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
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It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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