and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
