Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
