I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
