I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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