I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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