fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
