I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she told me i tasted like america
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
