tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
