My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
