The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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