My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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