Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
