hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
