Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I would fuck him just for his dog
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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