there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
