I think I died a long time ago.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
