He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
