Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We are all done wearing pants today
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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