is your mom at the bar?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
