Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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