At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
