i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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