You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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