when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
