life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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