he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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