Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
