I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
