Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
