Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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