I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
