"it" just moved
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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