forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
