If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
