Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
