i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
