You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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