My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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