That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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