You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
