So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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