I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
