I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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