how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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