Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
