I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I am spending my child support on dildos
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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