She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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