She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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