Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
