Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
