I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
