A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize