I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
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casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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